Back to Square One

  Aaaaand I'm back, for horrible reasons this time. This was supposed to be a happy place for 2014, but I guess you can't have a nice sunshine without a little rain, and for me, it rained. A lot.

  Well today was the 1st day of our fair/foundation week. It was okay. It's not as fun as it was before but to me, the fact that it was boring is pretty acceptable, since I've been through the previous fairs. It's like the relationship of Christmas and growing up : The more you grow up, the less excited you are for it. It was a pretty-okay day. Until I found out something about some friends. Not gonna say who they are or what they did, though I might say something about what they did, and it was something that didn't really fit my standards or "criteria." Since they were friends, it was pretty easy to forgive them, but very hard to accept. It's like I'm back to not knowing how to treat them anymore. The thing they did was pretty "taboo" to my standards. I kind of got a little depressed. A friend of mine told me he wouldn't do it anytime soon. I felt relieved, but the feeling of frustration never left my mind. I'm angry at what he did. At what they did. The feeling sucks.

   To top it all off, I'm confused. Sometimes my friends talk about things I have no idea about, but I could've  been part of it. It's like going back to square one in friendship though it's not really that big of a deal, but I really HATE missing out. The feeling is very, very one-sided so I can't really complain, and the worst part is that the feeling is similar to abandonment but somehow more...stinging...? It's like they hold out a hand to help you up then they let go in the middle. You just fall all over again but you wouldn't want to stand up anymore; you already got tricked, so what's the use of grabbing the hand again? Unfortunately I did grab the hand again. And I fell again. And now I'm glued to the ground. Now I'm waiting for another "helping" hand, yet I know it's gonna keep letting go, so why the hell am I doing this? I'm confused. This sucks. Will this keep happening? Probably. Will I learn? Probably not.

   Life is unfair. Then again it's unfair to everyone, so that makes it fair doesn't it? MIND BLOW.

   There's so much I want to let out right now, but I can't force myself to type everything. I guess this is enough. First month of the year, first rant of the year. I hope this doesn't happen often, and I hope everything just goes away in time. Let me finish this senior year with joy, please.

   See ya guys later.