Destiny's Agenda

   Today was a fun day! We actually participated in a Challenger Tournament for League of Legends! We didn't exactly reach the finals but it was, nevertheless, an awesome experience. Today was indeed a good day. Compensated a lot for yesterday.

   Yesterday was prom night, in case you were wondering. Yes, it was fun, memorable, and great and all, but it wasn't perfect. It didn't satisfy me because:
1) I expected too much.
2) I had a mind-set.
3) I'm back to square one in terms of being a social person.
 
  I did take a very good friend as a date to prom, and I'm fully conscious that I'm to blame for my own disappointment, but because of reason 1 and 2, it just sucked deep inside to not have anything romantic to happen. It just had to be someone, almost anyone, that would make my heart beat faster. For stupid reasons there's two people that could do that to me, yet I didn't ask them to prom since their answer would obviously the bitter and cold "NO." The perfect prom did not happen to me, but I guess it will just get better from here on out. I HOPE.

  Reason #3 is kind of a sad realization. I realized that no matter how many years pass and no matter how many things you've been through, you could stay in the same "level" of social potential. That night I really felt like after 4 years, I got nowhere. After 4 years nothing changed in me. After 4 years I haven't grown, progressed or learned anything essential or important. After 4 years, I haven't gained anyone's sincere trust or friendship. Am I really getting anywhere?
 
  Then I realized once you think you're close with others, sometimes you're really not. Sometimes you think you have strong bonds with others, but it's just superficial. Once you think you're becoming good friends, nope, not that good. It's not even affected by the time you've spent together with others, it's just what you show on the outside that really matters, no matter how fake your actions, and whatever you try to show from the inside will just count. Then soon forgotten. People see you for what you do, and not really for what you think, obviously. First impressions can change, but second ones lasts forever, and if you mess that up, better give up. It's depressing, and I don't think I can actually live with that realization, even though I unconsciously knew it before. I'm trying though. Another school, another life. I'm betting my hope on that. I'm stepping out of my current circles. I don't belong to them anyways.

    Now, around 40 days remain 'till graduation. I'm almost there. Another beginning. Another roller-coaster in life. Another opportunity to mess up or get up. Another opportunity to happiness. I really hope I can do this. The next page of my destiny's agenda is about to unfold. It's just a matter of time. Another bittersweet chapter in life!

Valentines Realization 2014

   Hello! Happy Valentines! I was thinking of doing this later, or after Valentines, since we have a field trip (OUTBOUND) tomorrow, but I really need to get this out of my chest, and so here I am. Also: Not mentioning names.

  Today was a jam-packed day composed of the Gratitude Day in DBTC Mandaluyong. It was pretty fun. My last Gratitude Day. My last few days with my high school friends and classmates. Holy Sh*t. OKAY I'll save that for another post. Anyways, after the school events, around 12PM, Me and 2 other friends went to meet friends from another school to: 1) Greet them a Happy Valentines Day! 2) Discuss about prom stuff (Also in another post. Cannot delay this). So after all that crap, I didn't have any special girl to greet (although there are some but nahh...). This got me thinking, and by some whim of the human mind, I reached to the point where I was questioning my capability of creating an offspring. Due to my lack of self-esteem, my answer is no. I'm not disappointed though, more like I knew this was coming for me.

  There are four types of love, according to my Christian Living Education subject, which is Agape, Eros, Philia and Storge. Agape is unconditional love, it is also the love that we give to God. Philia is your love for your friends, Storge is your love for family, and Eros is romantic love. I have Storge and Philia. I love my friends and family, but not much on the Agape or Eros. I'm not that religious, really. Eros is kind of a different matter for me. Aside from not having much luck in romance, February 14 has given me a new insight: I'm not going to get a girl anytime soon, and I don't plan to either. Although I really do dream of having one and constantly think of having a girlfriend, I can't fathom having a REAL girlfriend. I can take it but I can't really visualize it. It just feels impossible to have one, yet I'm dying to have one. A good friend of mine would say all I need is confidence, and maybe he's right. I really do need it. Maybe I just need to take that leap of faith or that one-time big-time risk. Though it's true that it's better to take those risks, I just can't convince myself to do so. Oh well.

   That's pretty much it for now. I gotta sleep! I'll be back after prom (next week) and possibly after finals and graduation! See ya!