Things that I never expected

   I thought I'd stop posting here, but no, I guess life has it's way of keeping me here and forcing me to pour my emotions through typing. I'm not really sure where and when to start my explanation of my comeback, but I'll get to the point after some background story-telling. Are you ready? Cause this is some tl;dr post.

   I'm back! I am kind of happy about writing here again. I was planning to do so for a long while now. I was going to share my first month of college, but procrastination always gets me. So now I'm writing because I've bottled up some not-so-pleasant feelings about some not-so-pleasant discoveries. So let's pile it up chronologically.

  I thought I'd end up in UP Manila, but no, I ended up in De La Salle University Dasmarinas. Not what I had in mind, but the 7 years Medical Biology programs isn't so bad, so I decided to suck it up and blaze through 7 years. Couldn't hurt right? Just imagine it as high school for 7 years straight. I was wrong, and yet again, my peers were right. Well academically, I'm doing alright, but regarding the people I'd meet, my brother and sisters (special mention yay) was right. I'd meet the people who'd I consider as true friends there. I did, or at least that's what I'd like to believe. I do hope I've found the right people to be with for 7 long years, and if not, there's a lot of friends to be found. I just really, really hope I don't resort into trying to find them if I'm ever mistaken. Though they warned me about friends, they didn't warn me anything about falling in love or any of the sort, thus I became a victim to the emotion. Here comes the problems.

   So after a few weeks of socializing and barely worrying about 1st Semester Prelims (don't worry, I'm pretty confident that I passed... I hope), I found out that I was dense. I had female friends that actually had a crush on me, but I didn't even notice it, and my crush also had a crush on me, but when she admitted it, it was too late for me to do anything. I didn't exactly feel heartbreak. I felt disappointment. I was disappointed on myself because I was either too blind or too stupid, OR BOTH, to notice it. I just spent 2 hours sighing and "UGH"-ing because of this, and yes I had to write this or else I won't be able to sleep. That's not all though, I'm still doubting if I had found the right friends. When I met them, sure they were fun to be with and I was smiling all the time and we'd joke all the time and have fun, eat together, textbook barkada stuff, but when it came to accepting a side of me they were unfamiliar with, they'd just ignore me, they'd exclude me. Am I the one at fault for getting the used to me smiling and joking all the time? Should I just hide that side of me? FOR 7 YEARS? No. I'm not gonna deceive MYSELF for 7 YEARS. Maybe it was my fault for joining those people. Maybe I'm not open enough. Maybe I should find new friends. All I know is if they really are my friends, they should accept all of me. Not just the part of me that smiles and jokes around. As for now, I'll just see how it goes. I'll just adapt to whatever comes.

   (Shout out to my family and my friends in DLSU Taft, UPM, UST, and wherever!)

   That's it. I hope. I feel better. I do hope someone reads this silent cry for help, even though I might not need it. I'll find a way. I just don't want to be back here for releasing bottled up thoughts. I want to be back here with good news. I want to someday, post something that might spread my happiness. I just hope that day comes. Peace out.