Just a little rambling about "Spring". There is no such thing as "spring" in the Philippines. There are only 2 seasons in this country (Rainy and... Sunny? Warm? I forgot the right term...) and both of them are horrible. It's either you face a flood or you faint from the heat, regardless I just really like the idea of "SPRING". It's like a fresh start, and conveniently, it also starts at the beginning of the year. Heck, they call it "spring cleaning" for a reason. All that aside, here's a little observation on the start of the year: it's boring.
Yes, it's boring. Well of course it's not boring right off the bat, it becomes boring when you finally get the mentality of "new year new life" out of your system. You'll just realize, again, that you're going back to that daily grind, and you're back to surviving life. It's that little period in the year where everything is just... NORMAL. Well, it's kind of our own fault for barraging ourselves with the October-November-December combos. That's A LOT of consecutive holidays, and it suddenly stops at January. It's like we built momentum until the big boom of January 1, and it suddenly faded into that silence of "normal". Then again, normal isn't that bad. I've mentioned about balance before, and I guess even boredom comes into play when balance is needed. But then again, boredom is just unbearable. Inevitable, but irritating nonetheless.
I'm in that phase of the year where you just wait for something to happen. Something. ANYTHING. Something to shake things up. Something that will make some heads turn. Something amazing. Something. Until then, I'm gonna enjoy this boredom while it lasts.
Don't worry, be happy. Enjoy the moment. The world is my oyster. Whatever Happens, Happens. Live It Out. Cogito Ergo Sum.
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
Monday, January 12, 2015
Existential Crisis
2nd week of January, and 2015 has already planned changes. This one's gonna be a long one, buckle up. Pronoun game is a go.
So after finding out our thesis was a failure, and after working out the schedule to redeem me and my blockmates of the failure with a new thesis, me and my friends ate some cake. After cake, me and my two friends had a talk. It's one of those talks but unannounced, it didn't feel that serious to them, but to me it was soul-crushing.
They talked about how I should stop hoping on my friend, who actually knew I still was, who I was talking to right at that moment. Yes, she told me to give up on the girl that was right in front of me, and the girl who she told me to give up on, also told me to give up on her. OK, fine, I will. That was weird, but then they talked about me getting thinner. So they told me they would've thought of me differently if I was slimmer, but then if I got slimmer, wouldn't that literally change how you think of me as a friend? And if I got slimmer and got a relationship because of that, wouldn't that just mean I got a relationship BECAUSE I was thinner? Doesn't that just prove how shallow our views of relationships have become? Doesn't that prove that society had imprinted that on us through colonial mentality, and high standards of beauty, and romanticized lives seen on TV, read on book, watched on movies? I was devastated. They were asking me to change to what I hated the most, and the worst of all, they made a point. Yes it's a healthy thing to do, and it's good for the self-esteem, but in the end it just proved that people who don't put themselves out there are left out, and I don't want to change because I always wanted to prove that people who can't put themselves out can still get what they want, but surprise, surprise, they don't. I didn't. So now I have this choice to just give up on my stand and change, or I stay who I am with they're incessant complaints and constant reminders of who I apparently need to be. I don't know what to do. I feel empty. After I texted this to my friend who's currently in another school, I just realized that I wasn't even depressed. It was just VOID. I'm dead.
I just feel empty. That's all there is. But it isn't anything like depression or suicide, it's just that feeling of powerlessness. Just... NOTHING. This is real new to me, though I appreciate the experience, I don't appreciate the feeling. This isn't much to worry about, and I feel like I should just tackle this alone. Let's see what happens next. Peace out.
So after finding out our thesis was a failure, and after working out the schedule to redeem me and my blockmates of the failure with a new thesis, me and my friends ate some cake. After cake, me and my two friends had a talk. It's one of those talks but unannounced, it didn't feel that serious to them, but to me it was soul-crushing.
They talked about how I should stop hoping on my friend, who actually knew I still was, who I was talking to right at that moment. Yes, she told me to give up on the girl that was right in front of me, and the girl who she told me to give up on, also told me to give up on her. OK, fine, I will. That was weird, but then they talked about me getting thinner. So they told me they would've thought of me differently if I was slimmer, but then if I got slimmer, wouldn't that literally change how you think of me as a friend? And if I got slimmer and got a relationship because of that, wouldn't that just mean I got a relationship BECAUSE I was thinner? Doesn't that just prove how shallow our views of relationships have become? Doesn't that prove that society had imprinted that on us through colonial mentality, and high standards of beauty, and romanticized lives seen on TV, read on book, watched on movies? I was devastated. They were asking me to change to what I hated the most, and the worst of all, they made a point. Yes it's a healthy thing to do, and it's good for the self-esteem, but in the end it just proved that people who don't put themselves out there are left out, and I don't want to change because I always wanted to prove that people who can't put themselves out can still get what they want, but surprise, surprise, they don't. I didn't. So now I have this choice to just give up on my stand and change, or I stay who I am with they're incessant complaints and constant reminders of who I apparently need to be. I don't know what to do. I feel empty. After I texted this to my friend who's currently in another school, I just realized that I wasn't even depressed. It was just VOID. I'm dead.
I just feel empty. That's all there is. But it isn't anything like depression or suicide, it's just that feeling of powerlessness. Just... NOTHING. This is real new to me, though I appreciate the experience, I don't appreciate the feeling. This isn't much to worry about, and I feel like I should just tackle this alone. Let's see what happens next. Peace out.
Thursday, January 8, 2015
Golden Age
Do you ever get randomly depressed over NOTHING. Well, I just did, and WTF. Well it's not EXACTLY nothing, it's more like, things that shouldn't down me, DOWN ME.
So let's focus on the title here. As far as I know, great empires reach their "Golden Age". They reach their peak of greatness and that's when the empire is strongest. But after reaching their reach, or the top of their game, they never keep themselves up there, or maybe they can't because they don't know how, and the only direction they take is down. The empire becomes riddled with problems until it slowly collapses.
Based on that, I'm assuming that I just reached my "golden age" a while ago, but now it's all crashing down, and it's all because nothing is gonna make it better since I'm was at the peak of happiness. When you're at the top, you'll usually want to finally look down. When the hype from your happiness ends, and you have no fuel to burn that happy flame, it'll start to die out, and everything just suddenly goes downhill even if you don't want it to.
I'm not entirely sure of the solution, but once you're at the top, why not look up? Maybe it's just a mindset instilled upon us by unconscious desires to eventually go downhill, but it's not exactly necessary to go downhill. We need to find that groove to stay in that Golden Age, and that groove could be anything, like a person, a hobby, a kink, anything. Then stay in the groove, and kick life in the balls.
So let's focus on the title here. As far as I know, great empires reach their "Golden Age". They reach their peak of greatness and that's when the empire is strongest. But after reaching their reach, or the top of their game, they never keep themselves up there, or maybe they can't because they don't know how, and the only direction they take is down. The empire becomes riddled with problems until it slowly collapses.
Based on that, I'm assuming that I just reached my "golden age" a while ago, but now it's all crashing down, and it's all because nothing is gonna make it better since I'm was at the peak of happiness. When you're at the top, you'll usually want to finally look down. When the hype from your happiness ends, and you have no fuel to burn that happy flame, it'll start to die out, and everything just suddenly goes downhill even if you don't want it to.
I'm not entirely sure of the solution, but once you're at the top, why not look up? Maybe it's just a mindset instilled upon us by unconscious desires to eventually go downhill, but it's not exactly necessary to go downhill. We need to find that groove to stay in that Golden Age, and that groove could be anything, like a person, a hobby, a kink, anything. Then stay in the groove, and kick life in the balls.
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
Blast from the Past
Yo! So update for the first 7 days of 365 to come for the year 2015: First day of classes was fun, and self-control is the key to everything, and ye olde, olde friendships.
So focusing on the latter, a friend from Brazil skyped me up tonight, and we did some catching up to do. It brought a smile to my face cause I realized that 1) Friendships lasts forever, and what truly ends is the communication between people, but never the friendship. 2) It's true friendship if you can still talk to each other after a loooong loooong time 3) It only takes one "HI" or "HELLO" to an old friend, and BAM CONVERSATIONS!
I wouldn't say it was pure fun, because there was also a feeling of nostalgia in it, along with heart warming emotions. I didn't really expect any of my old friends to do something like that, but maybe he was just bored because he had nothing, and I mean NOTHING to do until MARCH, because he was just waiting for exam results (lucky bastard), but I digress. It was a nice and short change of pace, I appreciate it. Peace out!
So focusing on the latter, a friend from Brazil skyped me up tonight, and we did some catching up to do. It brought a smile to my face cause I realized that 1) Friendships lasts forever, and what truly ends is the communication between people, but never the friendship. 2) It's true friendship if you can still talk to each other after a loooong loooong time 3) It only takes one "HI" or "HELLO" to an old friend, and BAM CONVERSATIONS!
I wouldn't say it was pure fun, because there was also a feeling of nostalgia in it, along with heart warming emotions. I didn't really expect any of my old friends to do something like that, but maybe he was just bored because he had nothing, and I mean NOTHING to do until MARCH, because he was just waiting for exam results (lucky bastard), but I digress. It was a nice and short change of pace, I appreciate it. Peace out!
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