I was walking down the beach and I kept staring at how the waves kept erasing my footprints. The first wave was usually enough to take it out, but a little trace of the footprint would still be noticeable, but eventually it would be gone. I thought of some depressing crap, like how no matter how many marks you leave within this world, you'd eventually be forgotten by the never-ending waves of time. But hell no, that sucked. I wouldn't want to remember something that depressing. So let's get back to the title of this post.
I wanted to list down the traits I had, like in a previous post. I guess this is a continuation. So here goes:
1) I realized my brain is a dumbf*ck and only remembers the stupidest, most useless memories. I'm not saying it's totally a bad thing, but I don't see how a memory of, let's say, me playing the guitar right before dismissal on my high school days, would help ME solve anything for my future careers. I don't know why I don't get to put the important stuff, like biology related terms and information, in my long term memory. It should be in long term memory, but unfortunately, it always goes to short term. Everything I need for my future career goes to short term. WTF man. I wonder how the flying fork am I gonna become a doctor, or even a good one for that matter, with this kind of knowledge retention. I'm screwed. But hey, I'm not giving up that easily. I'll let you know how it goes down the road. All in all, it's shitty, but not completely useless. I mean this totally sucks, because I'd be the most useless doctor in the world, but the fleeting memories of the past are what keeps you human. Reminds you that you existed, you exist, and shall continue to exist, until eventually you don't. Just like the footsteps in the beach. It's there when you are, but every step you take and every second that passes, the trail you leave vanishes into the ocean. You'll briefly remember the footsteps, hell, you'll barely remember the footsteps itself. What will remain is the view of the seaside you had walked on. You'll remember the ocean. Not each individual wave that had wet your feet, but the ocean breeze that your body felt throughout that walk. You won't remember every step you took in that little stroll, but you'll remember the feeling of the sand on the soles of your feet and you'll remember every weird thing you stepped on that was weird enough to be remembered. You will remember the journey in its entirety, but the details will fade away slowly. Like a book you once read when you were young. You won't be able to remember all the details of the story, but you know the gist of it, until slowly, you forget the story itself, but its essence burned within you forever. Long story short, my memory sucks d*ck, but hey, it's not completely useless.
2) I procrastinate a lot. Like it's a really bad habit. This post has been in the making for a week. It's that bad. But I don't think I was like this in the past... Oh wait I did. Well there goes my future... But in all seriousness, I don't know how the hell I've gotten this far. In life. In all honesty, I was expecting to be a horrible child that would end up in the shittiest life situations, like quitting school because of the lack of motivation and/or intelligence, but surprisingly I'm still "in the game". Honestly. having the best girlfriend in the world helps a lot, but there are always things that you have to do alone. There are always things that you have to achieve on your own, and even not even love can help you get past that. Effort is required at those daunting obstacles, but it's not impossible. Although cliche, what keeps me going is the possibility of leaving an amazing contribution to the world. I have no idea what contribution that is, nor do I have the motivation to do so, but I want to do it. It's more of like a wish, really. I want to say that it's one of the wishes that never come true, but that doesn't make it less of a wish. I think we all have that longing, inherently, or suppressed even, or at least I like to think that we share it, even though most of us deny it by hating everyone else. Maybe it's a part of me that equalizes the concept of success with leaving a contribution to human welfare, or I could even go as far as stating that it's a feeling stemming from my genes, as if my DNA wants to improve things "for the greater good". Maybe the feeling itself is a good trait, but that's just a little too far-fetched. Though I can't deny the feeling no matter what explanation I give to it. In the end. I still think I'm useless to the human race, I mean I'm just another brick in the wall. But aren't we all? I just want to be the best brick as I can, and the funny thing is whether or not you're self-centered or selfless, we're all trying to be the best bricks. Our methods just differ. By a lot. Long story short, I see myself as hopeless, but the truth is I have a lot of hope going on. Just in little bursts when I'm not in my usual self-loathing mood.
I'm constantly changing, but I'd like to think that I have certain properties that are constant, and I also like to think that they're constant for a good reason, and it's important to remember those things about yourself. Everyone else is a deep chasm of intriguing personalities, but I keep forgetting that I'm not exempt to that fact. They do say that love starts from the self. So if you hate yourself a lot, might as well get to know yourself. Because you're stuck with yourself. Literally forever.
1) I realized my brain is a dumbf*ck and only remembers the stupidest, most useless memories. I'm not saying it's totally a bad thing, but I don't see how a memory of, let's say, me playing the guitar right before dismissal on my high school days, would help ME solve anything for my future careers. I don't know why I don't get to put the important stuff, like biology related terms and information, in my long term memory. It should be in long term memory, but unfortunately, it always goes to short term. Everything I need for my future career goes to short term. WTF man. I wonder how the flying fork am I gonna become a doctor, or even a good one for that matter, with this kind of knowledge retention. I'm screwed. But hey, I'm not giving up that easily. I'll let you know how it goes down the road. All in all, it's shitty, but not completely useless. I mean this totally sucks, because I'd be the most useless doctor in the world, but the fleeting memories of the past are what keeps you human. Reminds you that you existed, you exist, and shall continue to exist, until eventually you don't. Just like the footsteps in the beach. It's there when you are, but every step you take and every second that passes, the trail you leave vanishes into the ocean. You'll briefly remember the footsteps, hell, you'll barely remember the footsteps itself. What will remain is the view of the seaside you had walked on. You'll remember the ocean. Not each individual wave that had wet your feet, but the ocean breeze that your body felt throughout that walk. You won't remember every step you took in that little stroll, but you'll remember the feeling of the sand on the soles of your feet and you'll remember every weird thing you stepped on that was weird enough to be remembered. You will remember the journey in its entirety, but the details will fade away slowly. Like a book you once read when you were young. You won't be able to remember all the details of the story, but you know the gist of it, until slowly, you forget the story itself, but its essence burned within you forever. Long story short, my memory sucks d*ck, but hey, it's not completely useless.
2) I procrastinate a lot. Like it's a really bad habit. This post has been in the making for a week. It's that bad. But I don't think I was like this in the past... Oh wait I did. Well there goes my future... But in all seriousness, I don't know how the hell I've gotten this far. In life. In all honesty, I was expecting to be a horrible child that would end up in the shittiest life situations, like quitting school because of the lack of motivation and/or intelligence, but surprisingly I'm still "in the game". Honestly. having the best girlfriend in the world helps a lot, but there are always things that you have to do alone. There are always things that you have to achieve on your own, and even not even love can help you get past that. Effort is required at those daunting obstacles, but it's not impossible. Although cliche, what keeps me going is the possibility of leaving an amazing contribution to the world. I have no idea what contribution that is, nor do I have the motivation to do so, but I want to do it. It's more of like a wish, really. I want to say that it's one of the wishes that never come true, but that doesn't make it less of a wish. I think we all have that longing, inherently, or suppressed even, or at least I like to think that we share it, even though most of us deny it by hating everyone else. Maybe it's a part of me that equalizes the concept of success with leaving a contribution to human welfare, or I could even go as far as stating that it's a feeling stemming from my genes, as if my DNA wants to improve things "for the greater good". Maybe the feeling itself is a good trait, but that's just a little too far-fetched. Though I can't deny the feeling no matter what explanation I give to it. In the end. I still think I'm useless to the human race, I mean I'm just another brick in the wall. But aren't we all? I just want to be the best brick as I can, and the funny thing is whether or not you're self-centered or selfless, we're all trying to be the best bricks. Our methods just differ. By a lot. Long story short, I see myself as hopeless, but the truth is I have a lot of hope going on. Just in little bursts when I'm not in my usual self-loathing mood.
I'm constantly changing, but I'd like to think that I have certain properties that are constant, and I also like to think that they're constant for a good reason, and it's important to remember those things about yourself. Everyone else is a deep chasm of intriguing personalities, but I keep forgetting that I'm not exempt to that fact. They do say that love starts from the self. So if you hate yourself a lot, might as well get to know yourself. Because you're stuck with yourself. Literally forever.
