So I am back, after 3 months of the hectic pre-medschool 1st semester. It's still on-going though, so I doubt this is going to be a normal thing, since I'll be going back to being busy the moment I wake up. It just sucks that I lose the ideas and topics that I come up with in the middle of a commute, or the zingers and subjects I want to write about just disappear into the void. So here I am. It's been a while.
I honestly don't know what to write right now, since I just forgot the topic, but I guess let's start with "what the hell happened?". Honestly? Not that much. I guess writing about every high and every low in your life isn't really the absolute best thing to do when you're on the said high or low. I guess immortalizing the experience into a form of literature isn't always the best course of action because in a way, you set it aside as something you wrote. Like how people nowadays share horrible experiences in social media, writing about a good or bad experience reverts you back to your "null" state. You share your troubles because, yes, it alleviates the burden of your woes, which brings you back to your normal, not-that-sad-but-still-kinda-sad state. At the same time, when you share a good thing, it becomes great. You share the happiness with everyone, but I guess, let's make some sh*t up here, there's some sort of "Law of Conservation of Happiness" (if this exists, holy crap) that happens. You get to share your happiness, which is nice, but at the cost of your own magnitude of happiness. I mean, at the start, it'll be super great that you're happy, you're friends are happy that you're happy, then that cycles on and on... Until, after a long while, you're not that happy. Still happy, but not overjoyed. Just right, but less than before. I guess you could just simply interpret that as "emotions are fleeting", but I think there's a deeper dynamic between personal joy and the joy of a group of people. Mind you, I'm not saying it's a bad thing to share your experiences, it's just that these experiences, regardless if it's a good or bad one, builds your own character. It adds to your story, makes and breaks it. It makes it more meaningful, but the catch is it becomes even more influential to you if you keep it to yourself. When dealing with a personal problem alone, introspection allows you to grow. Self-analysis is increased as you delve into the silence of your own mind. It increases your independence through isolation on a mental level. And that's why, more or less, why I don't write as much, but mostly it's school.
I did lie a bit, I do share a lot of my feelings to a person, which is usually my girlfriend. Not ALL the time, but most of the time, and it's only the little things to "medium" things. But if I'm right about that Law of Conservation BS, then that would mean I'd retain more of the joyous feelings than if I opted to tell a lot of people about it. I guess the main reasons why I don't really tell it to other people are laziness, the probable waste of time it would be to rant about it, the fact that in the end problems will go away, and the fact that everyone else is either busy with something else, and that everyone else has their own problems. In retrospect, those are also the reasons why I even started to blog, but I digress. Anyways...
Despite all of what's happened, which is mostly good, for a change, I'm not entirely sure I have all the pieces of the puzzle to come up with a proper picture of what life entails. I'm pretty sure that everyone has their own questions and own answers. They may feel the same, but there are always nuances between the problems of two people. Through that, the first step of understanding people may be the acceptance that one will never be able to fully understand one another. Kind of ironic isn't it? But throughout the days I spent just floating around and surviving the daily grind, I've noticed that in the grander scheme of things, everything matters, but at the same time, it really doesn't. I have no idea how to properly put that into the right words that would be understandable by the general public. Not yet. But for now, it's back to the drawing board for me.
Pro-tip: Don't get TOO comfortable with how things are. Shake things up a bit. If you get used to quiet, then don't expect a good time when things get loud. *hyper-hipocrite*
